fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
