She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
