if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
