He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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