filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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