My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
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no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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