He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
