11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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