Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
