i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
