Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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