Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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