so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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