you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
