12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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