I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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