i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
