Screwed.edu
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
