I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
