fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Please don't give away my fajitas
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
