yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
