I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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