Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
