Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
