Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
