He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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