yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
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I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
These tits shall not be calmed
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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