all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
