I heard we made out
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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