There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Actions speak louder than pants.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
