So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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