I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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