I skipped work to stalk him.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
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I miss vodka workout Fridays
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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