I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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