i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
