Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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