We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
