the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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