you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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