I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
