You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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