it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
