You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
