You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
