Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
