please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
