Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
