dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
