break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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