Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
