She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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