he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
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Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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