Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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