She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
