i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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