im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
