OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
