she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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