I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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