He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
