i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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