Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize