After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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