Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
