Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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