Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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