tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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