I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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