He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
