Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize