I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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